


Above, Below Me

by commodorecliche



Category: Here U Are (Webcomic)
Genre: Clothed Sex, Coming In Pants, Emotional Conversations, First Time, Getting Together, Grinding, Kissing, M/M, Misunderstandings, Neck Kissing, Resolved Sexual Tension, Resolving Conflict, Rough Kissing, Talking, ear kissing, they actually have a conversation okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-08 05:30:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18888145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commodorecliche/pseuds/commodorecliche
Summary: Li Huan had had an image of Yu Yang in his head. Had imagined that he’d round the corner and would see Yu Yang, already waiting for him. He’d imagined he’d be leant against the wall, his head tilted back and a coy, flirty smile on his face, a soft little smirk that said ‘it’s about time you got here’. But instead, Yu Yang is nowhere and Li Huan is alone, waiting amidst the small crowd of people that flits along the sidewalks. Li Huan huffs out an exasperated sigh and leans up against a street sign, staring at the ground.He knows, deep down, that when he finally sees Yu Yang, the look on his face will be anything but soft and coy. He’s seen the way Yu Yang has avoided his gaze all week, has found reasons to avoid him, hass dodged his touches at every turn.He’s noticed the way Yu Yang has made sure to push him away.Maybe he isn’t coming at all.Li Huan shakes his head.No,he thinks to himself.He’ll be here.Li Huan pulls his eyes from the ground and looks around the street again.He can’t avoid me forever.





	Above, Below Me

**Author's Note:**

> so here's that post-chapter 80 fic, filled with conflict resolution and smut, for y'all. to tide us all over until Djun hurts us more. enjoy!!

_Okay, I’m out of uni right now. I’ll be there in no time._

_...Yu Yang…_

_Hm?_

_…. When we meet, I’ll say it._

**::**

The rhythm of Li Huan’s heart is a persistent beat against his ribcage. It’s heavy, almost overbearing, and Li Huan wishes he could chalk it up to the fact that he’s all but running in the direction of JiLong Street. But it isn’t that kind of heartbeat, and he knows it.

He’s _afraid_.

He sucks in the cool evening air in long, deep breaths as he jogs; keeps each breath in time with his footfalls. It’s a poor effort to keep himself calm as he draws nearer and nearer to where Yu Yang had agreed to meet him, but it’s all he can think to do.

Li Huan rounds the final corner, turning onto JiLong street, and pans his eyes around in every direction, searching. He’d half-expected Yu Yang to already be here waiting for him. But as he peers around the street, he realizes quickly that Yu Yang isn’t here. The street isn’t empty - it’s a Friday night, after all, and the city has just begun to bustle - but Yu Yang is nowhere in site.

Li Huan had had an image of Yu Yang in his head. Had imagined that he’d round the corner and would see Yu Yang, already waiting for him. He’d imagined he’d be leant against the wall, his head tilted back and a coy, flirty smile on his face, a soft little smirk that said _‘it’s about time you got here’_. But instead, Yu Yang is nowhere and Li Huan is alone, waiting amidst the small crowd of people that flits along the sidewalks. Li Huan huffs out an exasperated sigh and leans up against a street sign, staring at the ground.

He knows, deep down, that when he finally sees Yu Yang, the look on his face will be anything but soft and coy. He’s seen the way Yu Yang has avoided his gaze all week, has found reasons to avoid him, hass dodged his touches at every turn.

He’s noticed the way Yu Yang has made sure to push him away.

_Maybe he isn’t coming at all_.

Li Huan shakes his head.

_No_ , he thinks to himself. _He’ll be here._

Li Huan pulls his eyes from the ground and looks around the street again.

_He can’t avoid me forever._

**::**

Yu Yang _does_ eventually come. Li Huan notices him from across the street and tries to hide the way his eyes light up at just the sight of him. He lifts his hand and waves in Yu Yang’s direction. Yu Yang notices him, but his face his decidedly blank when the two of them lock eyes. He nods in Li Huan’s direction, looks both ways, up and down the street, and trots across the road to stand in front of Li Huan.

“Hey,” Li Huan breathes when Yu Yang is close enough to hear him.

Yu Yang lifts his gaze to meet Li Huan’s; he plasters on a small, rigid smile and nods.

“Hey.”

And god, the look on Yu Yang’s face is so cold, so far away from him, and yet Li Huan _still_ can’t help the way his heart flutters the moment he sees him smile. No matter how insincere it is, no matter how forced. Yu Yang has always looked best with a smile.

Yu Yang looks away with a quick cough.

“So, where do you want to eat?”

“I don’t care… You pick.”

“There’s uh, a pretty good cafe up the road,” Yu Yang tells him with a cock of his head in the restaurant’s general direction.

“Sounds good.”

They walk the block together in relative silence. Yu Yang keeps his head tilted towards the sidewalk, staring at his feet with every step. Li Huan, if he’s honest, walks a little too closely to him. Their arms brush every once in a while, but with every touch, Yu Yang is quick to create distance between them once again. It doesn’t stop Li Huan from trying though.

Once they’re at the cafe, Yu Yang picks out a small, round table tucked away in the back corner of the outdoor patio. The place is a little busy, but not overly so. There’s at least a table or two between them and the nearest customers, and there’s a moment where Li Huan wonders if Yu Yang selected this table with that in mind. Like he doesn’t want them to hear whatever they might talk about.  

A waitress comes around almost as soon as they’re seated. Li Huan orders a water. Yu Yang - pointedly- orders a beer.

Li Huan can already feel the growing ache in his chest.

He leans back in his chair, tugs his lower lip between his teeth, and just looks at Yu Yang, takes him in. Yu Yang’s arms are tucked away in his lap, hidden beneath the table. He looks so small, so reserved, so hidden within himself; he looks so different to his normal, outgoing self. His gaze his focused on _anything_ that isn’t Li Huan. It stings a little; Li Huan isn’t too proud to admit that.

Li Huan hates it.

_Is this my fault?_

Neither of them speak until the waitress brings their drinks. They mumble their thank you’s to her as she retreats and leaves them in relative quiet.

Yu Yang wraps both hands around his bottle of beer, leaning forward on his forearms on the table. His fingernails twitch and scratch at the label - it peels easily, moistened by condensation.

Eventually, the silence becomes too thick between them, and Yu Yang shift in his chair and clears his throat to break it.

“So, uh… You had something you wanted to say?”

It’s an understatement.

Li Huan has a _million_ things he wants to say.

He chews his lip and nods.

“You’re avoiding me.” He hadn’t meant to sound as blunt as he did, but his mouth couldn’t find another way to say it. “And you’ve been avoiding me all week… Since we got back.”

Yu Yang, Li Huan realizes, doesn’t look surprised at all by this accusation. Instead, he simply drops his gaze back to his beer, takes a long, hefty gulp, and nods.

“I am.... I have.”

Li Huan’s eyes go a little bit wide.

He’d known he was right. He just hadn’t expected Yu Yang to admit it so freely, so honestly. ...so without care.

“But why?” Li Huan stammers. “I kind of thought…” He trails off, if only because he isn’t entirely sure what he had thought.

Yu Yung exhales a long, low breath. It’s not a sound of annoyance, not that Li Huan can tell, at least. But there’s something about it that wordlessly asks him _‘Do you even have to ask?’_ But he _does_ . He _does_ have to ask. What of all those moments between them, all the touches, all the soft, quiet glances? What of all the times Yu Yang has so eagerly wanted to be there for him? What of the the warmth Yu Yang had show him before? He _has_ to ask; he has to know.

_Was I wrong?_

“You and WangWang seem happy. I don’t want to…” Yu Yang pauses, licks his lips, and sucks in a breath, choosing his words with care, “I don’t want to _interfere_.”

Li Huan furrows his brow and leans forward quickly in his chair, closing the distance between him and Yu Yang.

“WangWang?? What’s she got to do with anything?”

Yu Yang scoffs.

It’s harsh. Irritated.

_Dismissive._

“Look, I get it, okay?”

“Get what?” Li Huan demands.

“I _told_ you, didn’t I?” Yu Yang’s voice is a little louder this time, a little more urgent. “I _told_ you this is how it would go. I told you that if- if you just… took a minute, looked around, looked at some girls, you’d understand that _this_ ,” He gestures vaguely between himself and Li Huan, “was… was temporary.”

Li Huan looks at Yu Yang, aches to meet his eyes, but Yu Yang refuses to look back at him.

“What are you even talking about??”

“You and WangWang,” Yu Yang reiterates.

“What _about_ me and WangWang??”

Yu Yang doesn’t respond, and in that moment, Li Huan understands. He doesn’t want to understand, but he understands. He knows exactly what Yu Yang is trying to say, what he’s implying as he continues to build an icy wall between them.

“Yu Yang,” Li Huan says again, softer this time, “What _about_ me and WangWang? There...there is no ‘me and WangWang’.”

“She likes you,” Yu Yang huffs.

The _“And you like her”_ implication hidden in Yu Yang’s voice is obvious, but he never outright says it.

“No,” he tells him again, insistence heavy in his tone.

She doesn’t like him.

He doesn’t like her.

And Yu Yang _has_ to know that, right?

Yu Yang says nothing in response. He offers no argument, no refutation to Li Huan’s assertion, but the way he jerks his head, looks away, and takes a long gulp of his beer, tells Li Huan that Yu Yang doesn’t believe him. Li Huan spares a quick look at Yu Yang’s beer bottle - it’s almost empty.

_He’s stressed_.

_Wait. No._

_He’s_ **_hurting_ ** _._

Li Huan shakes his head. Without a word, he scoots his chair around the table and seats himself directly to Yu Yang’s left. They’re close now - close enough that they could be touching if they wanted to, and by god does Li Huan want to - but he maintains their distance, if only for the moment, all but waiting for permission to enter Yu Yang’s space.

Yu Yang props his left elbow against the table, and presses his cheek against his fist. He keeps his head turned to the right, turned away from Li Huan.

He says nothing. Around them, the hum of the restaurant persists. Their waitress has left them alone - a small blessing, but one that Li Huan is grateful for nonetheless.

“Yang?” Li Huan asks softly, hoping he hasn’t crossed a boundary by addressing his friend so casually, “Yang, look at me.” When Yu Yang doesn’t, he pleads, “ _Please_ …”  

Yu Yang doesn’t respond for a moment but after a few beats, he sighs, and turns his head to look at Li Huan. He keeps his hand pressed against his mouth, leaning against it, hiding himself behind it.

Li Huan leans forward on the table, keeping his body angled to the right and towards Yu Yang. He remains cautious though, careful to keep the space between them, afraid to tread too far, afraid he’ll scare Yu Yang away.

“There is _no_ me and WangWang, okay?”

Yu Yang scoffs. Soft, not angry, but desperate, and hurt. He shakes his head.

“I know how this goes, alright? If… if it’s not her, it’ll be some other girl.”

“No, it won’t.”

“Right,” Yu Yang says - sarcasm heavy in his voice as he picks up his beer and downs the last gulp. He raises it up as a random waitress passes by, silently requesting another. He sighs. “There’s always another girl.”

“There is _no_ girl, Yu Yang. There isn’t _anyone_ but you,” Li Huan tells him again, “Fuck… It’s been you from the first time you spoke to me.”

Yu Yang shakes his head - it’s a curt and frantic move, desperate to prove a point.

“No, there is, and if there isn’t one now, there will be eventually. Even if you want me, even if you… fuck, even if you _love_ me, or whatever… There’s always a girl. You’ll want me when we’re alone, you’ll want me when we can hide, but there will always be someone else on the outside, someone _normal_ , someone you can show the world.”

“What if I want that someone to be you?”

Yu Yang laughs. The sound is so dismissive, so sharp that it all but pierces Li Huan’s chest. But the laugh stops short, followed by an uneven breath, and then Yu Yang turns in his chair so he can face Li Huan fully.

“You should be normal, Li Huan. You should lead the life you deserve.”

“I will lead the life I _want_ ,” Li Huan huffs, “Isn’t that enough?”

“This isn’t the life you want,” Yu Yang tells him, as if he knows it’s a fact.

Li Huan rears back a little, putting a few extra inches of space between them.

“Who the hell says you get to decide that for me?”

Yu Yang doesn’t respond.

“Why… why would I do everything I’ve done…” Li Huan starts, “Just so I could hide you?? I don’t _want_ to hide you.”

“You say that now, but you don’t know what it’s like.”

“Well, I sure as hell know what it’s like to be different,” Li Huan argues, “I fucking know what it’s like to be looked at like… like I’m a monster. Like I’m frightening. Like I’m too dangerous to be friends with…”

Yu Yang furrows his brow, thinking instantly to how harshly he’d first judged Li Huan the first time he’d seen him. Guilt washes over him, heavy, and uncomfortable.

“How the hell is _this_ any different?” Li Huan demands to know.

“You wouldn’t understand,” Yu Yang shakes his head, “What about your family? Your dad? What happens when _they_ find out?”

“Who cares?”

Yu Yang startles a little at that, dropping his left hand down onto the table away from his face. There’s a glimmer of something in his eyes, a look on his face that Li Huan just can’t figure out. If he had to guess, it almost looked like envy, hidden behind a quick flash of shock.

Li Huan looks down at Yu Yang’s hand, bites his lip, and thinks to himself: _fuck it_.

Without a second thought, he reaches out and takes Yu Yang’s hand in his.

Yu Yang jumps a little but, to his credit, he doesn’t pull away. Not even when Li Huan flips his hand over and laces their fingers together.

“I’ll hold your hand in public if I want to,” Li Huan tells him, leaning close. He lets his eyes drag across the expanse of Yu Yang’s face, gaze lingering for a split second on his lips. “I would kiss you right here, right now if you’d let me.”

Yu Yang’s brows furrow and he spares a quick glance around the room. Li Huan shakes his head.

“I don’t care about them. I don’t care what they might be thinking, or if they’ll look.”

Li Huan grips his hand a little more firmly - drags his thumb along the skin on the back of Yu Yang’s hand. He doesn’t speak for a moment, allowing Yu Yang a breath. Allowing him the time to simply exist in this moment, to absorb it, to ground himself in it. Yu Yang glances around the patio again before his eyes fall back to their clasped hands, sitting on the table top.

To Li Huan’s surprise, Yu Yang gives his hand a gentle squeeze. He doesn’t look back up, though; he keeps his eyes down, focused on their hands.

“If you like me, if you ever liked me…” Li Huan starts, before lifting his other hand to gently cup Yu Yang’s jaw and tilt his head up, “If you feel for me at all… would you tell me?”

Silence lingers between them in the few seconds that Yu Yang hesitates to respond. There’s a slight uneasiness on his face, a questioning sense of nervous uncertainty that causes something to ache deep in Li Huan’s chest. But despite this, Yu Yang doesn’t pull his hand out of Li Huan’s grip. He doesn’t pull Li Huan’s hand down off his face. Instead, he lingers in the moment, lingers in Li Huan’s touch, his eyes suddenly locked with Li Huan’s and unable to pull away.

There’s so much softness in Li Huan’s gaze, warmth that Yu Yang can almost _feel_ wrapping around him as he stares.

Yu Yang licks his lips, a quiet, uneven breath stuttering past them as he does.

“I…” He starts, before pausing and yanking his eyes away from Li Huan’s. “I do… But-”

Li Huan doesn’t let him finish. The moment _“I do”_ slips past his lips, Li Huan is leaning forward, easing himself fully into Yu Yang’s space, and claiming his lips in a soft kiss.

It’s… it’s _good_ \- warm and plush and comforting and god, how much Li Huan has missed the way these lips feel against his own. It’s good, but short-lived. In the next second, Yu Yang has jerked his head back, his eyes suddenly glancing nervously around the restaurant.

Yu Yang isn’t afraid for himself, but rather, afraid for Li Huan. At least… that’s what he tells himself. He’s afraid of every person sat around them in the cafe patio, afraid of every prying eye here that would take Li Huan in, judge him, twist him up into a disgusting caricature, and vilify him in all the same ways Yu Yang has always been vilified. And yet… as he looks around, he realizes with a brief moment of clarity that no one is looking. No one… He turns his attention back to Li Huan and realizes that Li Huan is the only person here that is focused on him.

And Yu Yang realizes in this moment that even _if_ they were looking, Li Huan wouldn’t care. He’s never cared. He’s only ever cared about whether or not _Yu Yang_ was looking at him. Yu Yang stares at him - takes in the heavy warmth behind his gaze, the want and care that lingers in his eyes, and he wonders if perhaps he’d been more afraid of this than he’d ever cared to admit.

Li Huan looks enraptured by him.

Captivated.

Enthralled in a way Yu Yang has never had someone look at him before.

In a room full of people, Li Huan only has eyes for him.

That fact sits like a heavy upon his shoulders, and yet… and yet it builds something up inside his chest. A bubbling sense of belonging and need that he’s never felt before. There’s a lump in his throat that he can’t seem to swallow.

“I told you,” Li Huan whispers to him softly, “I don’t care about them.” He cocks his head idly towards the restaurant patio tables around them. “They don’t matter. But you? _You_ matter.”

Yu Yang exhales slowly - tries his best to keep the quiver out of his breath but it ekes out of him no matter how hard he tries.

“I want you to be happy,” Li Huan tells him plainly, making sure to keep their faces close together, “I want to be the one who makes you smile. Could I ever do that?”

Yu Yang doesn’t nod. He doesn’t tell him yes. He doesn’t speak at all. Instead, he lunges forward and closes the gap between them. He presses his lips into Li Huan’s hard, with urgency, with _need_. And Li Huan lets him. He lets him without question, leaning into Yu Yang’s kiss with every ounce of yearning that has lived deep inside his chest for the last several months.

They don’t move their mouths much, savoring the simple pressure of their lips against each others’, reveling in the sudden sense of _I don’t care_ that exists in both their chests. Yu Yang’s mouth against his own is a weight off Li Huan’s chest, an affirmation, a reassurance that

_Yes, this is it, this is the one._

He wants to take Yu Yang in his arms, he wants to draw him close, wants to kiss him deeply, wants to thrust his tongue deep inside Yu Yang’s mouth. He wants to taste the faint hints of beer than linger on Yu Yang’s tongue, wants to swallow every sound he might make. But they can’t do that here, and they both know it.

Instead, they part. Hesitantly, but they do it nonetheless. Yu Yang asks for the check as soon as the waitress comes back around - declines the second beer the waitress offers to bring, foregoing his earlier request. He pays and without a word, he stands up, takes Li Huan’s hand, and leads him out of the restaurant, already trying to flag down a cab.

Once they get one, they slide in, give the driver the University’s address, and sit on opposite sides of the cab in pressured silence.

A couple moments into the ride and Li Huan has snaked his fingers across the open middle seat between them, sneakily grabbing Yu Yang’s hand. Yu Yang takes it and laces their fingers together, giving Li Huan a firm, reassuring squeeze. With that, Li Huan unbuckles his seatbelt and scoots into the middle seat, pressing himself against Yu Yang’s body for the remainder of the ride.

He does it because he wants to.

Does it because he can.

He ignores the driver’s occasional judgmental glances in the rearview mirror.

Yu Yang doesn’t say anything - but then again, neither does Li Huan. Instead, he simply grips Li Huan’s hand, squeezing it a little more tightly with each passing second in the cab He honestly can’t say if he’s uneasy or excited, or perhaps both, but whatever it is that’s bubbling up inside him, Yu Yang can say for certain that he likes it.

He catches the cab driver’s eyes in the rearview mirror once, and averts his gaze before leaning into Li Huan a little bit more. With a long, deep inhale of breath, he dares to rest his head on Li Huan’s shoulder, feeling a hot jolt deep in his gut when Li Huan settles his own head against Yu Yang’s in solidarity.

He tries to ignore the goosebumps that itch up and down his arm as Li Huan rubs the back of his hand with his thumb.

This is so much.

This is too much.

And yet… something inside him itches for more.

With his free hand, Yu Yang slips his phone out of his pocket and texts his roommates - asking them if they still plan on being out for a while.

They tell him yes - they’re going to some parties and spending time with some friends of theirs in the city. They say they’ll probably be out late - maybe even all night.

Yu Yang doesn’t tell Li Huan this. He just shoves his phone back in his pocket and relaxes his head again atop Li Huan’s shoulder. 

The driver drops them off by the university gates. Li Huan pays him and ignores the gruff scoff the driver shoots him just before taking his money and driving away.

Without a word, they make their way onto campus and back towards the dorms. Yu Yang wonders, for a split second, if he should bother taking Li Huan’s hand. Their classmates are around them now - the campus isn’t overly busy this time of night, but it _is_ the weekend, and plenty of people are headed off to their parties, their get togethers, their nights out. Who _knows_ who they might pass by, who might _look_ at them, who might know them, who might know Li Huan. Who knows who might stare in judgment.

But as he debates this silently to himself, Li Huan makes the decision for him: he reaches out and takes Yu Yang’s hand in his.

Yu Yang stares down at their clasped hands, then up at Li Huan. Li Huan must sense his gaze, because he turns his head and glances down at Yu Yang with a soft, encouraging smile.

_Maybe…_ , Yu Yang thinks, _Maybe I’ve underestimated him._

_Maybe… I’ve been more afraid of this than I’d like to admit._

Before they know it, they’re standing at the fork in the path that splits to their respective dormitories. They both stop, but neither of them lets go of the other’s hand. Yu Yang clears his throat, turning to stare up at Li Huan.

He wants to say it - wants to tell him:

_Come back to my room. Come with me and kiss me until I can’t remember why I was ever worried about this before. Whisper in my ear. Tell me you like me, tell me you love me, tell me you could stay with me forever._

But he can’t. Something tight twists in his stomach.

Li Huan - thankfully - speaks for him.

“I think… I think all my roommates are in tonight. I don’t really want to see them.”

_This is it_ , Yu Yang thinks. _He’s giving me a chance, giving me a moment to ask him what he already knows I want._

“My roommates are uh, are going to be out most of tonight,” Yu Yang says, voice low, close to a whisper. “Maybe all night.” He pauses. “They’ve got friends in the city,” He says, as if he needs to clarify.

It’s not an outright invitation, but the unspoken implication is there, and they both know it.

“We could hang out,” Li Huan supplies for him.

And Yu Yang nods. They take the path to the left, and walk together back to Yu Yang’s dorm.

When they arrive, Yu Yang almost debates knocking on his own door, just to check if anyone is home. But he doesn’t - instead, he slips his key into the lock, cracks the door, and pokes his head in.

“Hello?” He asks, as he enters the darkened room.

No one responds and Li Huan follows him in and makes sure the door clicks shut softly behind him, cautious not to disturb the silence. Yu Yang moves through the dark to his desk and flicks his lamp on, bathing the room in a soft, warm yellow.

“Everyone’s out,” Li Huan tells him, as if it weren’t obvious.

“Yeah.”

There is a moment of silence between them, and a few feet of space, in which all the questions and uneasiness between them seems to exist. Neither of them move, Li Huan lingering somewhat closer to the door, Yu Yang closer to his desk and bed.

“I meant what I said,” Li Huan tells him, finally daring to interrupt the silence.

Yu Yang drops his gaze to the floor, clenches his hands at his side. He nods.

“I know you did.”

Without another word, Li Huan takes a few steps forward, entreating more fully into the room and into Yu Yang’s space. He’s careful still to leave an inch of distance between them, an ounce of separation, just enough that Yu Yang will have to be the one who decides to close it.

“Could I make you happy?” Li Huan asks - his voice is suddenly soft and tentative, as if it’s the first real question he’s had to ask where he didn’t already know the answer.

Yu Yang clenches his eyes shut - nods his head.

“Yes. You could.” He licks his lower lip before adding, “You _do_ , Li Huan. You do.”

Yu Yang closes the gap between them, takes one extra step forward until their bodies are almost touching. He lifts his hands and sets them cautiously on Li Huan’s chest. His fingers splay across the expanse of Li Huan’s pectorals - touching him, if only because he knows Li Huan will let him. His fingers twitch and tremble, exploring Li Huan’s chest through his t-shirt, savoring the warmth that radiates through it. He keeps his gaze down as he touches, all but afraid to look up and meet Li Huan’s eyes.

The room is so quiet, its silence interrupted only by the soft hitch of Li Huan’s breath as Yu Yang’s hands migrate over his body. Yu Yang huffs out a shaking sigh as his hands begin to move further down, dragging down Li Huan’s chest, down over his stomach, and coming to hold onto his companion’s hips with unsteady fingers.

Li Huan can’t stand it anymore. In one swift movement, he places his hand on Yu Yang’s jaw, tilts his head upward, and draws his mouth to his in another kiss. It’s not deep - not yet - it’s just there. Just a touch, just a moment where their lips once again can say _“this is how we feel against each other, this is how it feels when we’re together”_. And Li Huan loves it - he’s aching for more, but knows better than to push.

Yu Yang purses his mouth back against Li Huan’s - a brief moment of reciprocation, of mutual yearning, and that’s all the encouragement Li Huan needs. Both of his hands find Yu Yang’s face, cupping the delicate angles of his jaw as he draws Yu Yang in closer, pulls his mouth more deeply into his, tilts his head to the side so he can open him up. Li Huan eases both their lips apart, tongue slipping forward to touch, to explore, to learn this mouth that is still so new to him, so inviting, but that feels so much like home.

Yu Yang whimpers into him. Small titters and moans eke from his mouth, only to be swallowed by Li Huan’s with every motion of their lips. He could drink those sounds forever, would do anything to keep Yu Yang close to him, to breathe his breath, to swallow his moans.

He’s suddenly acutely aware of the feeling of Yu Yang’s hands clinging to his hips. His fingers are so firm, so calculated as they grip him, hold him, and ease their way up beneath the hem of Li Huan’s shirt in search of bare skin. His thumbs dig into the muscles that line Li Huan’s hip bones, his fingers curl against his sides, pressing his fingernails into the skin so hard Li Huan is sure he’ll have little crescent moons imprinted in his flesh. But he doesn’t care - he _wants_ Yu Yang to touch him, to cling to him, to mark him and claim him.

Li Huan drops his hands from Yu Yang’s face, opting instead to loop them around Yu Yang’s waist. Without effort, he hoists Yu Yang up off the ground, lifting him up off the floor and up close to him so he can kiss him more deeply, more precisely. Yu Yang doesn’t skip a beat - his arms immediately move from Li Huan’s waist up to his shoulders, wrapping around Li Huan’s neck, clinging to him for support with a groan.

Li Huan is so big, so strong, so overwhelming. He doesn’t _manhandle_ him, per se, but his hands, his arms, his body, every party of him exerts so much comforting control over Yu Yang, lifting and hoisting him with ease, moving him however he likes. Yu Yang has never felt small before, but my god does he love the way Li Huan dwarfs him, engulfs him, loves it in a way he’d never allowed himself to consider before this very moment.

Yu Yang doesn’t mean to, but he lets out a disappointed groan the moment Li Huan lowers him back down to the ground and separates their mouths. Li Huan eases him away a few inches, putting a modicum of space between them staring down at Yu Yang through heavy lidded eyes.

“Yang, I…” Li Huan starts, pausing as he looks down at Yu Yang, clearly aching to lean back in and steal another kiss, “Is this okay?”

Yu Yang is nodding before he can even think - of _course_ it’s okay. How could it not be?

How did he _ever_ believe this couldn’t be okay?

Yu Yang nods - desperate, quick, urgent. One hand fumbles along the curve of Li Huan’s neck.

“Yes, it is, god, I’m-” He cuts himself off, craning up to try to reach Li Huan again for a kiss, but Li Huan doesn’t let him.He stops him with a soft but firm hand against Yu Yang’s chest.  

“Where’s your bunk?” He asks instead.

Yu Yang cocks his head a little to the left. He grabs Li Huan’s hand and leads him towards the ladder leading up to his bunk. Yu Yang climbs up first, crawling up into the mess of sheets and blankets and pillows he calls his bed. He scoots over and leaves just enough room on the small mattress for Li Huan, who’s quick behind him up the ladder.

There is a moment now, as he sits amongst his blankets, and stares at Li Huan, who’s kneeling next to him on the bed now, that he feels almost bashful. The urgency and desperation of the previous few minutes have been forgotten for a split second, and Yu Yang feels like a lost teenager again. Unsure, nervous, excited, wanting, but wondering what exactly it is he’s supposed to do now. They’ve made it this far, and Li Huan is staring at him again with that same soft look on his face, the one that Yu Yang has come to yearn for even in the short time that they’ve known each other.

There are a thousand things he could do right now. A million things he wants to do.

There are a million things he doesn’t know how to do right now.

For a moment, he once again doesn’t know where he belongs in this.  

But none of that seems to matter when Li Huan reaches over and takes his hand.

“Yang?” He asks. “I want to kiss you again.”

“Okay,” Yu Yang replies, if only because he doesn’t know what else to say.

_Yes_ , he thinks would have been a good start. _Dear god, please_ , would have been even better. But _Okay_ will have to suffice.

Li Huan leans down close to him, cups his face with both his hands again, and pulls him forward into a fervent kiss. Yu Yang tries to ignore the quiet whimpers that slip from his mouth the moment their lips meet, tries to ignore the way his body seems to collapse and melt just from Li Huan’s touch. Yu Yang isn’t sure which one of them opens their mouth first, but the slide of Li Huan’s tongue against his own - thick and hot and wet - sends a shiver down his body, through his mouth, his throat, his chest, his spine, down to his groin. He’s not too proud to admit that there is an aching in his jeans that’s building with every motion of Li Huan’s mouth against his own.

Li Huan begins to shift on the bed, sliding back and off his knees to a sitting position. He settles down against the mattress, and moves to sit so his back is pressed against the wall the bed is flush with. He’s careful as he moves to never break his embrace with Yu Yang, the touch of his hands guiding Yu Yang along with him as he moves, urging him to follow as they kiss. And follow Yu Yang does, unquestioning, obedient as he shifts and slides with Li Huan until, before he can think to stop himself, he has one leg flung over Li Huan’s waist, straddling him with purpose.

A hushed moan ekes from Li Huan’s mouth as Yu Yang’s weight presses down into him. Li Huan’s long, nimble fingers grapple at the hardened flesh of Yu Yang’s hips as Yu Yang slides his arms around the expanse of Li Huan’s shoulders. One hand settles onto Li Huan’s nape, massaging the taut muscles before his fingers creep up and slip slyly into the short crop of hair there. He curls his fingers as he tilts his head and opens his mouth more for Li Huan. He lets his fingernails scratch and scrape gently across Li Huan’s scalp. Li Huan hisses and groans, breath stuttering from his nose as he thrust his tongue as deep into Yu Yang’s mouth as he’ll allow. His grip on Yu Yang’s hips tightens and moves, ushering motion into Yu Yang’s body, silently urging him closer, urging him to press down into him as fully as he can. And in that moment, Yu Yang feels… present, and powerful, and… in control.

How long has it been since he’s felt that?

Yu Yang slows his kisses - the motion of their mouths easing and softening until their lips part with a muted peck.

Li Huan’s breath is uneven and stuttering against Yu Yang’s as he stares up at him through heavy lidded eyes.

“Huan,” Yu Yang sighs shakily.

“Yang,” Li Huan hums back.

Yu Yang doesn’t give himself time to think, doesn’t allow himself time to question, to visit any of those insecurities he knows live somewhere deep within himself. Because he knows that, at least for now, none of them matter. He doesn’t allow himself a moment to hesitate before he experimentally shifts his hips, rolling them downward in a smooth motion into Li Huan’s crotch.

“Ah,” Li Huan hisses, “Fuck.”

Yu Yang groans and drops his head to Li Huan’s neck, mouth open and searching for any bit of flesh he can taste. Li Huan’s fingers cling to his waist, desperate, digging into him, before they shuck Yu Yang’s shirt up so they can drag and claw at the bare skin of his back. He splays one hand -so large, so broad - flat across the small of Yu Yang’s back and presses him downward, guiding Yu Yang’s crotch harder against his own, all but _begging_ for more.

He’s hard - that much Yu Yang knows - so very hard. He can feel the heat and pressure of his erection through Li Huan’s pants, pressing hard against his own demanding cock. He feels _big_ \- and Yu Yang is only a little ashamed of the sudden thrilling jolt that fires in his stomach at the thought of what Li Huan’s dick might look like.

“I like you,” Li Huan breathes to him as Yu Yang sucks at the skin of his throat and tongues the heavy beat of his pulse. His voice is so tight, so desperate, so raw and honest; it cuts somewhere deep inside Yu Yang’s gut. Yu Yang slows his hips, but doesn’t stop moving entirely - the sensation and the feeling of each other far too important in this moment to let it go. But he slows himself down to a gentle rocking and lifts his mouth from Li Huan’s neck to look down at him.

Li Huan’s face is flushed - emotions exposed and open as he stares up at Yu Yang with need.

“I like you,” He says again, pausing before adding, “Can you… could you just say it to me? Tell me again that… that you do too.”

It’s then that Yu Yang sees that, behind the urgent, fervent need and lust, there is a look of vulnerability and… fear… on Li Huan’s face. And it’s then that he realizes…

_Li Huan has always wanted this._

The realization twists like a knife in his gut.

_There has never been a moment when Li Huan didn’t truly, honestly, and desperately want him._

Yu Yang has always mattered - every word he’s spoken, every look he’s given him, every time he’s avoided him, shunned him, or rejected him. It’s always mattered.

_He’s always wanted this, has never questioned it, and my god, look at all the time I’ve wasted._

“Of course,” Yu Yang tells him with confidence, closing the space between them so their lips are just barely touching, “Of course I like you.”

Li Huan lunges up to claim his mouth with a hungry groan, mouth open, ready, tongue already seeking out Yu Yang’s. His hands are everywhere now - grappling up and down the length of Yu Yang’s back and sides, one hand slipping down to cup the curve of Yu Yang’s ass as he urges Yu Yang to grind down against his crotch again.

“Fuck,” Yu Yang huffs as he snaps away from their kiss. He grinds his hips down as Li Huan’s mouth attaches to his throat. He drags his tongue along the length of it, playing and tasting his flesh as he moves down to the curve of Yu Yang’s collarbone. He nibbles at it, scrapes his teeth along it until Yu Yang is all but trembling in his arms.

Yu Yang cants his hips down in a solid rhythm, unwilling to stop, uncaring of the fact that they’re rutting against each other like teenagers, uncaring of the fact that if they keep this up, he’s going to come in his pants like a teenager too.

He all but _wants_ that. He wants Li Huan to rut into him, he wants their hips to stutter together until they can’t stand the friction anymore. He wants Li Huan to guide his body until he’s a mess, coming in his pants, and spent because he hadn’t realized just how _badly_ he’d wanted and needed this.

He wants to come for Li Huan. He wants Li Huan to come for him.

It’s so much - each roll of his hips - but it’s not enough.   
  
Before he knows what’s happened, Li Huan’s got an arm around his waist and is twisting and flipping them over. He flops Yu Yang down to the mattress, spreads his legs as wide as Yu Yang’s pants will allow, and settles between them with a solid roll of his hips.

“Oh god,” Yu Yang moans when Li Huan first thrusts down into him. This is… this is so much more, so much better. Li Huan absolutely dwarfs him, encompasses him, his powerful body rocking into him as he sees fit. Li Huan rests his head in the crook of Yu Yang’s neck, sucks on the flesh he finds there. He kisses and bites up along its length until he reaches Yu Yang’s ear. He nibbles Yang’s earlobe gently with his teeth before whispering,

“This what you want?”

“God, yes.”

“Have you thought about me before?” Li Huan asks again, dragging his tongue along the shell of Yu Yang’s ear.

“Y-Yes.”

“Have you thought of me on top of you like this?”

“Yes, Huan… _Yes_.”

Yu Yang cants his hips up, jerking off the mattress in search of the pressure Li Huan is giving him. The heat is building up inside of him and he knows that he’s going to break any moment now.

“I think about you all the time,” Li Huan goes on. Yu Yang can’t help but notice how much shakier Li Huan’s voice sounds this time.

Yu Yang wraps his arms around Li Huan’s waist and yanks his shirt up a little, desperate just to feel the warmth of his skin.

“I- I’m…”

“You’re what, Yang?” Li Huan asks. He tries to hide the cracks in his voice, but they slip through each time he grinds down into Yu Yang.

“I’m-I’m gunna-”

“Kiss me.”

And god, Yu Yang does. He kisses Li Huan - open-mouthed and urgent, swallowing Li Huan’s tongue as he comes with a stuttered upward thrust of hips. Li Huan is close behind - he grinds himself against Yu Yang a few more times, never relinquishing his lips, until suddenly he groans - low and heavy in his throat - and stills.

**::**

They clean up in pointed, but not uncomfortable silence. Yu Yang shows him to their bathroom and even steals a kiss before Li Huan retreats into it. Yu Yang changes clothes in his room, discarding his come-stained underwear and pants into his hamper and changing into a soft pair of sleep pants. He pauses, staring down into the open drawer of pants, and turns to glance back at the bathroom door.

He starts to dig through the drawer.

When Li Huan comes back into his room, he’s still wearing his jeans, but the buttons are undone and there an undeniable wet spot on the front - a testament to their desires. Yu Yang approaches and thrusts a folded up pair of pants towards Li Huan.

“They… they might be a little short, but they’re the biggest I have… they might fit you if, uh, if you wanna, you know…”

_If you want to stay the night_.

Li Huan seems to understand his unspoken request, because he smiles and takes the pants with a nod.

“Will your roommates mind?”

Yu Yang pauses, and considers the question, wonders if perhaps Li Huan is worried that they’ll see him here.

“N-Not if _you_ don’t mind,” Yu Yang answers with a noncommittal shrug.

“I don’t mind,” Li Huan tells him, not a single hint of uncertainty in his voice.

Yu Yang smiles and nods, and climbs the ladder back up to his bunk. He tucks his cell phone underneath his pillow, straightens out the comforters, and folds them back to wait for Li Huan.

Li Huan tugs his jeans down, leaving him in just in underwear. Yu Yang tries not to stare as he folds his Jeans and leaves them on Yu Yang’s desk before slipping on the sweatpants he’d been given. Yu Yang had been right - they _are_ short. Comically so, and Yu Yang can’t help but laugh when he sees they don’t even come down to Li Huan’s ankles. Li Huan grins and shakes his head, before he flicks off Yu Yang’s desk lamp and bathes the room in darkness.

Li Huan climbs the ladder, and Yu Yang scoots to the far side to make a space for him. He settles in close, pressed up against Yu Yang’s side. He rolls onto his back and lifts his arm, silently offering Yu Yang the space atop his chest. Yu Yang pauses and licks his lips.

His roommates will be home at some point tonight. Or at least they’ll be back in the morning. They’ll come in and eventually, they _will_ see. They’ll see his head resting atop Li Huan’s chest, they’ll see their bodies snuggled close together, intimate and personal and private. And Yu Yang just has to know -

“You don’t mind?” He asks. “You… you don’t care about…”

_You don’t care if people see?_

“I don’t mind. I don’t care.”

Sometime untwists in Yu Yang’s stomach… because believes him.

He nods, and settles down, pulls the covers over them. But before he drifts off to sleep, he pulls his phone out from under the pillow and shoots his roommates a quick text:

_“My friend is staying over tonight - hope you guys don’t mind.”_

**::**

**Author's Note:**

> please let them talk, djun. 
> 
> anyway, thank you guys so much for reading! i love writing these two and I can't wait to write more. 
> 
> if you liked this, it'd mean the world if you'd drop me a little comment to tell me that. 
> 
> you can find me on [tumblr](https://commodorecliche.tumblr.com) and on [twitter](https://twitter.com/commodorecliche).
> 
> [rebloggable version here](https://commodorecliche.tumblr.com/post/184998872803/above-below-me-commodorecliche-li-huanyu)   
>  [retweetable version here](https://twitter.com/commodorecliche/status/1130237953165463554)


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